1. 8 months ago 

   sous peine de mort.

   Dear tumblr, once again writing for my future’s lookback on myself.

   In the toilet after a basketball match, I screamed releasing the fumes of hatred, mixture of everything. Tears rolled painfully for the third time in my life and I felt I wanna let it out. Out, I scared my mother and my siblings. I din wanna do that but I felt so brittle at the moment and all I wanna is feel release…

   I suck everything up even when situation shows me I’m right. I don’t have a choice.I do not want to get into any trouble that harms people around me. Even I’m right, I’ll say I’m wrong. This has been like that for almost a year. I’m like a kettle, shut off the lid and pressurized.

   I’m like a book, used to be a book full of words, sentences and essays of great things. Now, erased and words being filled in me by pens that I have to allow. I’m not a book, or should I say not me. But something else which I loathe.

   Everyday, after 6, I get to come back home. I count on my exercises such as basketball to sweat out my fears, my worries, my pain in the game. I could be myself during the game, smile brilliantly. Be with my secondary friends, poly mates, crack jokes, bullshit etc. I felt same way too. I hang on thanks to all mentioned.

   I wished I could turned bad and do the easy way so I could feel better. I can’t. I return back what they gave me, equivalent to I’m them. But some things ain’t gonna written off like swiping off chalk marks on the blackboard. Some are written deep in heart.

   Like what bible says, eye for an eye. I will return the thanksgiving back more than what you should receive. Pain, just hurts so bad especially today. So pain.

2. Notes

Artist in the way I shaped myself, and other artists that shaped me in the environment I lived in.

That's me.
Age : 20
Birth : 08/02/90
Status : In a relationship with Low Wei Ting

Following

Tumblr