1. 7 months ago 

   chill pill.

   I’m nobody to judge what is what, neither to judge someone. That’s the One sacred job, ain’t mine. Here be telling my experience dear journal. 

   I thought to myself, in primary and tertiary education, thought seen world of people. People who willing to give and take no matter how hard some problem sums is and do care to teach you. People help each other in a Peaceful environment. You fall, they help you out but as long as within their easy reach they try to help you out. Nice isn’t it.

   Under harsh or difficuit conditions?

   To be honest, I actually don’t like my ‘race’ - referring to my gender people. In fact, I love women so much more as there are people with hearts. Hearts which they follow. For people they care about, willing to be under circumstances what man could not have done. 

   I’ve been in the Green for almost a year, I seen what my gender could do, done, did sinister things to people around me. People of my gender that are nice are under pain, and suffering silencely. I became a bystander, looking at all these harms being done and not to do anything for them. I can’t even do anything for myself yet alone others.

   During times in primary and sec, I was a perfect and wanted justice to be done. Naive yea? I know… I was always reckless, challenging the gangsters of my school and defend the small weak ones. Yup, I was big and fat, perhaps that was my back-up of my guts. Once I went quite far sending a whole lot of ah-bengs to detention till school ended. I was framed of abusing authority, well I fight back to get back my deserved share.

   When my mom say why I won’t just keep quiet and walked away, I just told her ” Lao bu, wo guang ming zhen da, pa she mo? Bei da jui bei da lo!” Even when she say I die young, I like to talk as I like, feel light without any burden in mind!

   Now, I harness all the pain, the anger in me and I did what was said above. Walked away when I see these happenings. I told myself to get back what I deserve. They deserve. I sometimes don’t get it. Why must mutual people start to bully when it’s their own kind? You don’t see a hamster whacking another hamster for it’s sunflower seed been taken.

   For now, I started to defend myself as the anger build up is released once I felt buillied. Ha, I just explode and start talking my true feelings, reason out and I don’t care about what’s authority or not. Humans must live like one. Like a human.

   Truthfully speaking, I have enemies in my Green now. But I sit upright, forthright and living abit better.I’m me again. =D

   What I don’t like is to be in dark and seeing the whole situation as whole. People are waiting to knife each other in dark, killing each other once chance arises. I’m seeing these sights all from the back row. I kinda solitude myself from the Green I’m in and seeking a path just for me to walk into. Finish my supposed work and I’m off.

   Well well, my anger is still getting ahead of me. But I got no tolerance against … Well you get it don’t cha. Kind of extreme but I like it this way.

   Like I always say, I don’t like grey areas. Black or white choose one. Easy life to live with and no regrets to complain about.

   After writing so much, I don’t really know what I’m blabbering about.

   Ciao. Until next time which is don’t-know-when-perhaps-months.

2. Notes

Artist in the way I shaped myself, and other artists that shaped me in the environment I lived in.

That's me.
Age : 20
Birth : 08/02/90
Status : In a relationship with Low Wei Ting

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